Friday 27 March 2015

Wounding To Heal: how a trip to the physiotherapist gave me a love for pain

 “Just like there's always time for pain, there's always time for healing.” 
― Jennifer BrownHate List

 I just got back from a second round of IMS with my physiotherapist. IMS is a therapy involving placing needles into the muscle bed and stimulating the muscles, by manipulating the needles so the muscles "fan" out. These normally tight balls of muscle then open up and lengthen like they should.

 It. Really. Hurts.

I was using my "labour breathing" to work through some of the pain of the muscles contracting.  I will sheepishly admit that today, I had a few spots of "involuntary condensation" develop in the corners of my eyes during the procedure.

It was something that my physiotherapist said last visit that has really got me thinking. He said, "Sorry Jenn, for the pain, I really am, but I need to wound you, in order to really heal you". Huh...... Kind of seems backwards doesn't it? But, here's the thing, my muscles a few days later felt more open, and less pained then they have in years. I have been so locked up in my muscles, that it was pulling my spine out of alignment, and I can say that really hurts, too! But here, after this painful treatment, I was experiencing less chronic pain! Booyah!!      

I can't help thinking that this is so much like other areas of our lives. We can be locked up as humans in other ways, too. Often because of wounds from the past, emotionally we "ball up" and turtle in, or build up walls to protect ourselves from being wounded again. The problem with doing this is, it causes us to be stunted emotionally in our growth. It keeps those we love out, and keeps us locked in a prison of pain that never gets healed. Chronic pain sucks. It's draining. It's demoralizing. It's discouraging. It keeps us from really living life and encountering the fullness of others around us. It also keeps people from really knowing us, as well.

The pain of having somebody finally access my locked up muscles, and force the release of the toxins in them really hurt, but it was also a sign to me that I was getting better; healthier; stronger; freer. It was the first time that I felt like the pain was welcome and was serving a worthy purpose. The wounding was healing me. I admit, I kind of wanted to just skip the IMS today. I just didn't want to deal with the pain. But, the dumber thing is, I've been in pain all week already because of my spine issue. WHY LIVE WITH THAT??!!! Sometimes I think we fool ourselves into believing we are coping fine with our little locked up areas in our lives; we anaesthetize, we ignore, we justify. But we really are not actually living, are we?
                                                                                                                            

In order to be free from wounds of the past, we have to let the root of our wounds be touched into. For myself, I think of my relationship to God and how many times as a Father, He has touched parts of my heart that were hurting, and almost re-opened the wound. It really hurt at the time; it was like reliving the pain again, but He did it because He was healing it for good. The pain was the indicator of the healing process taking place. I also know that Jesus totally understands. He was crushed, wounded, and beaten, so we could have our healing:

But he was pierced for our transgressions. He was crushed for our iniquities. The punishment that brought our peace was on him; and by his wounds we are healed
Isaiah 53:5

There is obviously a difference between pain without a purpose; the kind of pain that leaves deep, gaping, unhealed wounds, and the kind of pain that ultimately is meant to heal. This pain has a motive of love behind it. I want that. I want to be brave enough to go there in my life, even if it means pain for a moment, but joy that lasts for a lifetime.

"Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning."
                                         Psalm 30:5


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